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Post by Spider-Man Beyond on Mar 7, 2007 17:37:12 GMT -5
liked this a lot....and am glad Vic survived....so he can always return down the road
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Post by circe55 on Mar 8, 2007 6:59:40 GMT -5
Hey Thomas!
I just read Supernaturals #2.
I was really rooting for this one as I enjoyed issue #1 so much. But there were problems here.
I kind of forgot who everyone was to be honest. I remembered Sara and Jon from the first issue and the fight with the vampire, but a quick recap at the beginning of issue #2 would've helped me remember what was happening.
Even just a sentence or two, maybe having Jon reflect on what has happened to Sara. Just something which carries over the story from issue # 1.
I really enjoyed the magic terms and spells and the use of Japanese Magic! Who even knew such a thing would exist.
While the fight scenes were fast paced, there were times where I wasn't sure what was happening. Like a part or sentence was missing.
One scene had Sara lying unconscious (after being given Japanese Magic), then she awoke and was hurdling feet first toward the pavement. But I thought she was already on the ground??? Or was she lying up in the rafters, I wasn't exactly sure.
Also, the scene with the shadow Dobermans. Another really neat scene, but again at times I was confused as to what I was seeing. When Robert created a stone fist from the wall, it smashed the dogs across the room into the opposite wall.
The exact line was:
"Suddenly a giant fist erupted from it. It slammed into a group of the Dobermans, crashing them into the opposite wall. Robert’s smile quickly changed to a frown as he saw the dark blood dripping from the indentation reformed into the Dobermans that were just destroyed."
Now after rereading this it appears the Dobermans, when hit, turned into a big pile of blood then reformed into dogs again. But I wasn't real sure, at least not from the first reading.
Just make sure when writing action scenes to give us detailed descriptions of where each character is located and exactly what we are seeing. The clearer the better.
Also, I have to comment on the editor's note. Just after the Dobermens were defeated it said "Translated from Japanese".
What was translated from Japanese? All the dialogue from Victor, or just the very last line? Again, I'm not real sure. Why even mention it was in Japanese at all? Maybe this could've just been left out altogether. Or let us know right away when a person is speaking in another language.
I apologize for being so critical here Thomas. I really am enjoying this series, but just had to point these things out.
This is still a very unique title with neat spells, magical enchantments/powers, and unique themes.
Hope you take all this well! I'll definitely keep reading future issues!!
-Dean
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Post by Spider-Man Beyond on Mar 8, 2007 9:20:56 GMT -5
Dean, regarding what is translated from Japanese, read that scene again. A spell Jon uses is in brackets and right after there is a * which is usually referring someone to look for the editor's note.
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Post by fan4 on Mar 8, 2007 9:57:33 GMT -5
I liked this issue. I enjoy all the magic and vampires and shadow Dobermans and such.
I do have to echo Dean in that it took me a bit to recall exactly who these characters were. We can make that conceit when we're writing a Marvels or Legends title because everyone knows those characters. With an original title it's best to start with a reminder of who the characters are and what they're doing. Even a quick sentence can sometimes bring a reader up to speed.
Other than that I enjoyed the fight scenes and Victor is certainly a cool villain. It looks like you've got a good foundation on which to build future stories. I'm interested to see what's coming next.
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Post by royharper on Mar 8, 2007 11:04:53 GMT -5
Victor is a great villian. I'm interested to see what trouble he creates later on. This reads like a role playing game. I think that's what you are going for.
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Post by circe55 on Mar 10, 2007 9:57:43 GMT -5
Hey again Thomas! Well after reading my latest critique I realized it was a bit harsh and one sided, so I must add on a little more. Let me be clear in that I really did like issue #2, I just had several problems with the story (see previous post by me). Again, I loved the magic being used; the light arrows, the Dobermans coming out of Victor's cloak, Japanese Magic, and the stone fist created by Robert. All neat things which make this series unique. Hope my initial critique didn't scare you away or anything? ~~~~~~ As far as the editor's note about the sentence being translated in Japanese. This could easily be fixed by having the narrator simply tell us that Jon then spoke in Japanese and said, "Five Pronged Sealing Spell! Dispel the beast!"However, if you insist on having the editor's note "Translated from Japanese", may I suggest putting the note immediately after that specific sentence? As I said, upon first reading the scene I assumed the very last part with Victor talking was in Japanese! Hope this all helps! -Dean
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Post by Spider-Man Beyond on Mar 10, 2007 16:55:19 GMT -5
well, Dean...the editor's note was me. I didn't have it after the sentence because I felt it should be seperate....as to not take away from the scene. But I put it in brackets and put a * right after it to indicate there is an editor's note. Hellboy's recent issue has this too. My reason for doing this is more clear in the Hellboy issue because there's a whole conversation in a different language but Hellboy doesn't speak that language.....and it'd detract from the story to have Translated from after each thing someone says
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Post by sunwolf on Apr 15, 2007 3:08:39 GMT -5
Hey 2nd issue is still donig good again though I did have a little problem with sara still I hope we'll be figuring her out soon but the old friends now rivals always makes for a good story and all the different magic stuff going on makes me think you actually know something about the world of magic that not everyone does! lol
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Post by Spider-Man Beyond on Apr 23, 2007 17:20:09 GMT -5
Supernaturals #3:
The curse of the werewolf has taken hold. Can Sara find a cure before the Supernaturals old friend ends the life of the victim?
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Post by Spider-Man Beyond on Apr 23, 2007 17:21:52 GMT -5
good issue...though I do have one slight nitpick. Sara was so concerned for Joseph...however there was no doubt about the first and no hoping or wanting to cure him....aside from that pretty good though
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Post by fan4 on Apr 27, 2007 11:08:25 GMT -5
To me this title has the feel of Blade meets Underworld, with all the vampires and werewolves battling. Plus Sara gets a serum that curbs her blood cravings.
Throw in a little magic and you certainly have a supernatural feel to this. Good job.
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