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Post by royharper on Dec 17, 2007 12:39:20 GMT -5
I'm still enjoying this story. #4 was another good build with some solid characterization and adding new mystery. I like your style a lot.
This one I did feel some of the dialog was forced. If that makes any sense to you. I hope you don't take this to negatively I'm just trying to help.
I'm off to read #4
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Post by royharper on Dec 17, 2007 13:58:47 GMT -5
This last issue was my favorite. The story is very interesting and you are bring it along nicly. There are so many different prospective that you are bring in and use them to create conflict. I love it. Keep up the good work.
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Post by pyrceval on Dec 18, 2007 8:35:25 GMT -5
Thanks Roy! I appreciate all comments, 'positive' or 'negative' they goal is to improve! Would you mind sharing some examples of the forced dialogue you mentioned? That way, I can get better
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Post by royharper on Dec 18, 2007 8:46:06 GMT -5
Sure I'll look back an find examples. Just for clarification sake. I mean things being said that seem unnatural (to me ) or out of place. Okay I'm going to look for some examples It's mostly that Bala and Ronin scene on the roof top. The scene feels out of place and the dialog doesn't have any rhythm to it. That makes it stick out in an awkward way.
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Post by pyrceval on Dec 18, 2007 10:15:07 GMT -5
I'll definately go back and take a look at that...and it may be that I was trying too hard to show they had an obvious past together there. Does it still seem as odd after seeing a little more of Ronin and who/what he is since then? Or was it that he was still 'unknown' at the time? I do love feedback like this, really, it helps me to improve...no one as critical of me as I am, trust me
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Post by royharper on Dec 18, 2007 10:35:04 GMT -5
Learning more about Ronin helps a little but the scene just seems forced into issue #3. It disrupts the regular flow of the story.
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Post by jtisthekey on Jan 25, 2008 2:36:49 GMT -5
Luke, I said i would get around to starting the Next and while I was late at doing so, I finally got around to issue #1. I have to say, you do a great job in setting the whole thing up and making a compelling story so far. The characters were well done and it definately had a mystery-type atmosphere.
On to #2
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Post by pyrceval on Jan 25, 2008 10:40:27 GMT -5
Thanks for the feedback hope the rest of the series doesn't disappoint. Dan has issue 5....I'm certain it will be posted soon...
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Post by pyrceval on Feb 4, 2008 10:10:11 GMT -5
Issue 5: Repercussions continues in Broken Hearts and Broken Heroes: Spectrum hovers near death as Bala teams up with Ronin to take down a massive drug operation, leading her to her own difficult choices. Doctor Jasper seaks help and salvation from all sources as he watches Alex's life slipping away.
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Post by Glippernip on Feb 29, 2008 12:20:28 GMT -5
Right now, I fee terribly embarrassed. I'm pimping my own series trying to get a reader, but somehow missed that a new issue of The Next posted earlier this month! Its the second series that I had failed to notice an issue recently posted. And, though I have read The Next #4, I hadn't left feedback for that, either.
Believe me, I'm blushing.
On to the show: I'm still into this series. Obviously a lot of thought is going into the story and characters here, and is an interesting contrast to my own series. My style tries to emulate comic books, so if a scene won't work very well in a comic, then you won't find it in my series'. The Next seems more like a serial or TV show where ideas are expanded upon with (what seems to be) carefully thought out dialogue without ever coming across as boring or overdone. Bala is still my favorite character so far, but each of the four principal characters have things that make them interesting and secrets to be revealed! Having the Doc 'forget' or just not realize how to help Spectrum is handled very well. Some stories would belabor the point as if we don't get it, but you just give us small little vignettes throughout the story and then a very succinct scene at the end with Doc slapping his head at his perceived stupidity. Nicely done.
I do want to see a little more of Ronin, though (and I'm sure you already have that planned). So far I see the potential, but he does seem like many other of those type of characters. Based on what I've seen so far, you likely do have things that make him unique, we just haven't seen much of them yet.
Thanks for sharing this series with us. I'll try not to overlook it next time and leave the feedback promptly.
Joel S.
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Post by pyrceval on Feb 29, 2008 12:44:49 GMT -5
No problem, Joel, it happens. Ronin does and will have more to offer later...he may intentionally be giving the impression of being just like 'every other character like that'...but it will be a bit later you see him again. It's interesting so many folks are so taken with Bala...hmm...wonder what the reactions are gonna be down the road... Issue 6 is coming soon!
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Post by Glippernip on Feb 29, 2008 17:30:30 GMT -5
I feel the same way about Perseus. Seems like he has a lot of fans (well, maybe not a lot. Some of those readers are gone or not checking in anymore). In your case, I think it is just that you spent so much time in the first two issues with Bala that she is a more fleshed out character than the others at this time. Creates a connection with the reader.
Joel S.
PS: If you are checking this out in the most recent posts tab and haven't read The Next, do so. It's good stuff!
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