E8: Flash #2

[Spider-Man Beyond]

E8: Flash #2
Lightning Under a Tree! Part 2

Written by Jollyoldsaint
Edited by Daniel Dyer (Spider-Man Beyond)

A pillar of ice looped over the old Keystone City police station. At a distance the ice spelled out “Thieves Gallery M” in cursive. The missing piece, “eeting,” had fallen to the ground.

Eight costumed figures were inside the building. Each kept to themselves until one pointedly fired a handgun at the ceiling.

“Christ, Plunder,” said a man who was stacking cards. “Give the guy who can smell your weakness a heart attack, why don’t you?”

The man with the gun sighed. "Shut up, Major. Let’s hurry up and get on with this... Okay, roll call. Chillblaine. Mirror Master. Turtle Man. Folded Man. Major Disaster. Kid Trickster. Yours truly. And Frost Bitch, always a pleasure.”

"ICICLE," an appropriately cold voice corrected.

"Of course you do. Well, if we're all here, what say we move on. Progress reports?"

Mirror Master sneered. "Don't recall votin' you leader."

"Shove a mirror up your Scot backside and pop your head in," Plunder barked. "Degra... CSI something or other’s on in twenty. So lets cut the crap and get to business. Now do we still own this town?"

"City," piped Kid Trickster.

"Shut up," Plunder ordered.

"Well," said the Folded Man, "I think we can expand our base of operations. Half of Keystone's frozen or flooded, no thanks to the trigger-happy moron..."

Chillblaine reached for his gun.

"...and it seems we've lost our tourist-drawing charm. The new police leave us alone, but the place is becoming a ghost town."

"City," piped Kid Trickster. The boy was frozen shortly thereafter.

"Damnit, Fred," scolded Plunder. "You know how long it takes to thaw that."

"Good point," Icicle chimed. "Turtle Man, be a dear and lengthen the process."

A bald man in a turtle suit frowned. "...Fine. But... you're still... a skank."

"And you're a hateful old man," groaned Major Disaster. "Can we get on with this?"

Plunder shook his head. "Don't freeze the kid, I tell them... he has his uses, I tell them... ah, well. Folded Man, you're right. We do need to branch out. But we're too close to the network to move far."

"Wait. Just why," inquired Mirror Master, "da we give a damn about them? This netwok of yours has'n seemed to help us much. Mattera fact, I'd say it has'n done anythin’ for us."

"You just don't get it," Plunder sighed."They’re doing us a favor by not doing anything."

"Ah," said Mirror Master. "Oh course. I mighta guessed. Well, since that's the case, I seahriously don't see why we're tied at the leg here."

"We're tied at the leg," explained Plunder, "because they're why nobody big's stolen our gadgets, why the real heavy-hitters didn’t come after we took this city."

Major Disaster scoffed. “REAL heavy-hitters? The army sent tanks! Things fell like dominos to myself and the Folded Man, I think we’ve shown that we’re more trouble than we’re worth.”

Plunder looked around carefully. “Something worse could’ve been chasing us. I’ve seen their guy, he’s like a demon... actually, I think that’s what they call him. We look like we’re running and this guy’ll rip us apart.”

An unconvinced Major Disaster lifted a card. “I can see the right spot to cripple someone by flicking this. The Frost Bi-”

“ICICLE,” the woman corrected.

“-and her boytoy have their freeze guns. Folded Man can cut a car in half with the side of his hand. Mirror Master can send someone to another dimension. Hell, even Turtle Man and the kid can do their share of damage... and that leaves you. The guy who sprung us from Iron Heights. You and McCullogh could’ve left us to rot, but you didn’t. You found our stuff, you brought us together, and since then we’ve gone nowhere but up. To Hell with this band of thieves crap, look at us! We’re the best damn crooks in the world! We can’t just kowtow to some ninnies in suits with a freak leashed up! I tell you, together we can take anybody - ANYBODY - in our way!”

The room fell silent. Plunder stared at the man he thought he had known for a year. “...well, God damn,” said Plunder while pulling off his mask. “You’re right. To Hell with the network, I’m sick of looking over my shoulder. But there’s one thing... if we go rogue, it’ll mean war. Are you all ready for that?”

“Course I am,” answered Mirror Master. “We’re pals, after all.”

“Likewise,” stated Major Disaster.

“You must be insane,” said Icicle, “If you think I’d give up stardom when the stakes went up.”

“...Guess that means I’m here by default,” grumbled Chillblaine.

The Folded Man grinned. “I could’ve retired filthy rich and won a nobel prize with this suit. I joined for kicks and if necessary I’ll die for kicks.”

Plunder stared at the group. “You guys... all of you. Thanks. Pour some hot water on the kid. He’ll need to hear this. So what about you, Turtle Man? Ready for a fight?”

“Sonny,” the Turtle Man started, “I... was born ready.”

* * *

[Spider-Man Beyond]

2007 had not been a good year for the Central City Museum of Lies. Its curator, Roy G. Bivolo, consoled himself as he wandered the empty museum halls.

"Fools, cowards," Bivolo ranted. "They're no better than their puppeteers. Flying men, a magic ring.... they're just distractions! And the public is soaking it up. But I'll make them see the truth... no matter how long it takes, no matter how many I have to fight to keep calling this a museum!”

The curator’s reflections were interrupted by the sounds of a man screaming. A curious Bivolo rushed towards the noise. As he ran, Bivolo considered hiring a night watch, but reminded himself that such a transaction would require trust in humanity.

Bivolo turned away after finding the source of the screams. It seemed that a naked man had broken into his museum. Upon closer inspection the man had somehow placed his leg inside a cement wall. From the scorch marks it appeared that the man’s head was very recently made hairless.

After shaking his own head, Bivolo turned back to the intruder. The naked man had stopped screaming, but appeared lost in shock.

“Well,” said Bivolo, “you’re not the invisible man. Jerk messes with my head, figured it was a prank... so who are you? What do you want? How did your leg get stuck? And why are you naked?”

“His name,” came a voice from behind, “is John Fmph-”

If the second stranger had known Roy Bivolo, he might have expected the right hook. As a result of his ignorance, the stranger reeled to the floor.

“NOBODY,” Bivolo shouted, “sneaks up on me after-hours! Who the HELL are you?!”

“S... sofa,” the naked man stuttered. “There was... lightning... and a sofa! Raise... wait, where am I? Why is my foot stuck? And what happened to... aw, letter P,” he said while feeling his scalp. “Not my hair!”

The floored man spat blood. “Sorry, bit of bad luck with the process. Well, not really - you’re at ground level. Still on the planet. Still in the city. And still alive! Your luck’s incredible, but I already knew that. Actually, I was counting on it.”

Bivolo cracked his knuckles. “What’s that supposed to mean? And why are you wearing spandex? Gimme some answers or I beat nine shades of Hell from you and Nudey McGee.”

“Excuse me,” said the stranger in blue tights. He slumped towards Bivolo and coughed blood. “You want explanations, do you? You mean like I was giving before you punched me in the face?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

Bivolo was losing his patience. “Dichromacy and a namesake, that’s my problem. you’re trespassing. If you’re smarter than you look, talk.”

“...Fine,” said the man in blue. “My name’s Chronos. My story’s not important. The man in the wall is. And so are you.”

Bivolo cocked his head. “What are you going on about?”

“Just listen,” Chronos snapped. “The man over there is John Fox. The ring on his hand is a symbol. It’d be gone with his clothes if he wasn’t destined for greatness.”

Bivolo looked skeptically at Fox. The nude man was mourning the loss of his hair.

“There’s no time to explain,” explained Chronos. “They’ll be here any minute. The Linear Men are active now, so I can’t use the stopwatch...”

“Wait,” said Fox. “You shot me... with lightning. And now... I’m in the past?”

“Yes,” replied Chronos. “You’re in the year 2007. They still call it common era. And if I’m right you’re now the fastest man alive.”

“Fastest man alive?” asked Fox. He looked at the ring on his hand. “Oh, no... you hooked me up to a time-traveling sofa and shot me with lightning to make me a FLASH?!”

At this time Bivolo burst into laughter. “Hahehahah! Hah! Heh...right. Of course. Cute game. The Flash, like that guy from the comics? Wally West. And you made it a double entendre. Cute. Sure no one’s thought of it. Bad acting, though... they call me paranoid, but even I wouldn’t buy this. Why the leg-in-wall thing, though?”

“They’re here,” Chronos muttered. “JOHN! YOU HAVE TO RUN!”

Before he could speak, Fox was restrained by metal arms. It appeared that a speed drone had followed him into the past. Bivolo and Chronos were restrained as two more appeared.

The automation holding Fox spoke. “Kzzt- THIS IS SPEED METAL UNIT GF 239. UNIT JOHN FOX AND UNKNOWN UNIT ARE TO RETURN AND FACE PUNISHMENT FOR TEMPORAL DISTORTION. UNIT ROY BIVOLO SHALL BE TAKEN FOR LOBOTOMY AND MEMORY CLEARANCE. RESISTANCE WILL BE MET WITH FORCE.”

Understanding that “punishment” meant death, Fox struggled to break free. His efforts amounted to little. Since when, he thought, were speed drones this strong? And since when could they travel to the past?

Bivolo bit his lip. He always knew his mind would be wiped one day. He even predicted the government-issued robots. But he never expected to be so helpless.

As the drone spoke, Chronos flipped a switch in his glove. He grimaced as the signal left from his suit. “...sorry, John. Roy. You’ll get out of this. Probably. Ship, take me to the blank spot! The code is shazam! Just as always I’m a man out of time!”

A flash of light surrounded Chronos. In moments, he was gone. The drone holding him had lost both of its arms.

“Kzzt-,” started the armless android. “UNKNOWNUNITLOST. MINOR DAMAGE SUSTAINED. STANDING BY FOR ORDERS.”

“Kzzt-,” replied the machine holding Fox. “NOT EQUIPPED TO FOLLOW. IGNORE VARIABLE. STANDBY FOR RETURN PORTAL. UNIT CB 532, PREPARE TO AMPUTATE LEG OF UNIT JOHN FOX.”

The chest of the armless unit opened. Concealed in the drone’s chest was a robotic arm. The hand of this arm extended into a hacksaw as John struggled to avoid wetting the floor.

“Damnit,” cursed Bivolo. “There’s only one jerk who could make this worse...”

“Oh so,” said a new voice. The voice came from in front of the group, but there was no one to be seen.

“Kzzt-,” began the drone behind Fox. “UNKNOWN UNIT. SCANNERS INADEQUATE. REVEAL YOURSELF.”

“With pleasure,” said the man. “Just turn around. I’m standing in your shadow.”

-To be continued